I Can’t See You, But I Know You’re There

    daily prompt: keep out.

one look could tell eyes closed
everything               you left me
we needed no words l  outside

oh but    of course you’re there
of course we did            oh but

each look told lies      blinded
nothing                 i could never
we dared to say         let you in

was true                 l      entirely


7 thoughts on “I Can’t See You, But I Know You’re There

  1. This reminds me of a poetry sequence a friend of mine wrote in collaboration with a friend of hers. You’ve shown the sides and the lines and the whole of it very well. I love this!

    • thank you, i’m really glad you love it. it means there’s an upside to the otherwise disenchanting honesty that inspired these lines.
      i’m curious, is there possibly a way to read the sequence you talked about?

      • A piece of the collaborative sequence yours reminded me of is at http://magewing.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/to/ in my friend Maggie’s main poetry blog. Maggie wrote the left side of “To” intending it both as a complete thought-poem in itself and as the left part of a poem chain to be completed by the right side, which was then composed by her friend. Like in a tanka chain, except less rigid on form but more closely tangled together in how the thoughts were to hold hands.

        I’m not sure “To” was the first in the sequence. There was something dark behind the poem that I’m not privy to, and Maggie has locked up parts of it and won’t say anything more of it even to her other poetry collaborators.

        Some of her chain does survive through several of her posts that follow “To” – for instance, read her collaborator’s right side of “To” with the left side of http://magewing.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/still/ which Maggie wrote in response to that right side of “To” … which the gets its response from her collaborator in the right side of “Still” …. which Maggie then used as basis for the left side of http://magewing.wordpress.com/2011/04/01/a-word/ … And so on.

        As I commented earlier, I very much liked yours. Each side was distinct, yet the two sides fit together and flowed well, and the edge between the two sides carried its own sharp image, and even the lines between the line sparkled. Fantastic.

        – Cyn

      • i think it’s a fascinating concept with the alternating authors for each column. these poems really speak to me. i would have difficulties, though, to find complementing words for someone else’s thoughts. so, i’m all the more amazed. thanks for showing me what is possible.

        i also love how every line means something different, depending on whether you read from left to right or each column, separately.
        ah these are just great! thanks 😀

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