happy
is a word
i hadn’t heard you
call yourself
in years
i don’t recall
at all
does it sound strange
to me
because it’s you
who forms their lips
to this at last
or does it maybe hurt
because it’s still
not me
—————
please help me understand
this wicked planet’s turning
to show my aching soul
which pasts won’t be restored
and what is lost, forever.
then maybe i might know
where not to look for freedom.
or please let me erase
the memories that made me
the person i am, now.
return my childish faith
where reason never mattered.
for once, i might not care
where not to look for freedom.
——————————————————–
posts are getting shorter by the day.
can’t help it. am very busy.
i had a dream l was it a dream? i had a dream was it a dream?
you said to me ll you said to me you said to me l you said to me
all is well l hello lll nothing real lllll silently
you said you said you said you said
it was. like before. all the same. beware.
so i won’t show my face here, anymore.
one look could tell eyes closed
everything you left me
we needed no words l outside
oh but of course you’re there
of course we did oh but
each look told lies l blinded
nothing i could never
we dared to say let you in
was true l entirely
lll
when i look in the mirror, i do it, because i must.
i don’t like to be looked at, especially not by someone
who knows me almost as well as i know myself.
i cannot repress what i know of, when i look in the mirror.
i must reveal every wrinkle, every scar and every imperfection
and be reminded where they came from
and that – perhaps – i had it coming.
when i look in the mirror
i see who i have been
who i am, today
and who i will be
when time comes
and takes what is yet left.
a former clarity 